Ramiz Raja:

With his looks, he could have been two things in life after his blip in international cricket, either a star for a low budget porn movie (eventually a heartthrob of paki chicks) or a mascot for Pakistani cricket team as being the only player to be given out “obstructing the field”. But a country, which boasts of having fewer literate people than the number of children Tulsi Virani gave birth to, going by those standards, this man has the mind numbing potential of connecting a few words in English, thereby, concocting a sentence. As other educated ex Paki cricketers were busy betraying their own country or moaning because their wife was screwing someone else (read as Wasim Akram training Irfan Pathan and Jemima Khan doing Hugh Grant respectively) ICC sought Mr Raja to comment on cricket matches. And “Oh Boy!” (his sole contribution to the vocabulary of cricket) what foresight he had on a cricketing situations, some excerpts from his pathetic and “subtle” optimism.

"What a match! With 2 wickets remaining, Pakistan need 10 runs from 2 balls!
I don't see any reason for Pakistan to lose this".

”WHAT? Oh boy! Sunny they just lost by 4 runs. A boundary.  Just one shot, C’mon man okay we’ll split the prize money! ”

But coz I take the “Aman ki asha” campaign seriously I will end here by making an offer to him: “A free invite to join the mallu porn industry no audition required we are dead sure you’ll fit the bill perfectly. You may write your own script”. That’s the best our nation can offer to you!

25th September,

3 a.m.

Ah! The fresh smell of smoke, the natural air sometimes chokes me to death. I love this room; the smoke which fills up has no way of escaping it. But have to keep it locked from now on excepting when I want to punish the kids.

Just a random thought though, will invite Aamir and Salman one day, and it’ll be like a Jewish holocaust all over again..haha. Jotting down these thoughts is the best part of my day. Farah also called up today, wanted me to do another movie with her. I sometimes wish I had the heart to tell her that being a mannequin at “So What..XXXL” store would have suited her much better than being a director.

But then again she did do an awesomeb job of providing me with a fake seven pack in OSO, for that I should give her the credit and hence will have to give the nod. And he gives me a miss call again!!! Why do you do this to me Karan? You know I can’t pick up the phone, Gauri is right next door, you know how possessive she is but still you do it. He has given me like 15 miss calls today. I just can’t talk and it’s Sunday today, sometimes he does act like a small kid (though I do see a lot of him in AryanJ). How do I tell him that I also want to spend time with him but I too have other responsibilities and limitations.

I do miss those nights spent together when I was shooting for Ddlj and Kuch Kuch…the days of a budding relationship are the most gratifying! What the fcuk is BigB doing on twitter with his T1 T2 T3..I think that Alzhimers Disease from “Black” really got him man, somebody’s teaching him elementary math again. “Dairy Dairy who has led Bacchans and Aamirs fall???”…“Shahrukh you defeat them all! You defeat them all!”..haha.. Nicotine is getting to my head now, have to sleep now, will miss you my white beauty with its butt on fire..haha..until we meet again in another five hours.

SRK!